My PCOS Journey: Living with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

Living with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, this is my PCOS journey and story. Before I begin, I just want to praise and acknowledge anyone who gets up everyday feeling optimistic and accepting their PCOS journey. Even though you may question why this has happened to you or feel you may not be worthy of being a mother, know that God or whatever you may believe in has a better plan for you.

Below I explain PCOS and some symptoms I face:

What is PCOS?

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a condition that affects women and how the ovaries function. Nowadays it is thought that about 1 in 10 women in the UK suffer with PCOS. It is a hormonal condition and it is not known what causes this. Living with PCOS can be very difficult.

Common Symptoms or Signs of PCOS?

  • Excessive hair growth (face, chest, back)
  • Irregular periods or no period
  • Weight gain
  • Difficulty getting pregnant
  • Oily skin
  • Acne
  • Hair loss or hair thinning from the head
  • Increased risk of getting type 2 diabetes
  • Depression
  • Sleep Apnoea
  • High Blood Pressure

My PCOS consists of all these common signs and symptoms except type 2 diabetes (all praises to God). However, when I was seen by a gyno 8 months ago, she told me I was borderline type 2 diabetic. I was in the middle of my emotionally abusive marriage which I know was not helping my condition either!

Anyway, I only ever started my period naturally maximum 3 times in my whole life! Once when I was 11 years old and my period lasted 1 day, again at 15 years old and my period lasted 2/3 days and lastly at 27 when my marriage broke down. But my gynocologist mentioned I may have miscarried due to stress during my marriage breakdown. As you can imagine, living with PCOS and in an abusive marriage was extremely taxing on my mental health.

At the age of 21, having no period was obviously very abnormal. PCOS can run in the family and my cousin had been diagnosed with PCOS so I was pretty sure I had the same condition. However, I was neglected by the NHS when being checked by doctors at the age of 16 and was ruled out as having a “hormonal imbalance”. At 21 I had the same scan again and was finally told I had PCOS. I cried my eyes out because the thought of not being able to have children was daunting.

Toxic Relationship and PCOS

For me personally, I now see my PCOS as a gift. Why you may ask? Without a doubt it has saved me from my biggest regret. My marriage. I know if children were involved my life would have been over because he would have used my kids against me. Being in a narcissistic relationship didn’t help me or my health when I was trying to get pregnant. And thanks to my PCOS, I was saved from an abusive relationship longterm.

My ex husband was adamant that we would have children, despite knowing about my PCOS before we married. I stopped taking my contraception pills and began to see a gynocologist to help me conceive naturally. Unfortunately after some scans and blood tests I was told I would need to go through IVF. IVF is a procedure where the sperm and egg are fertilised outside the body by scientists and then inserted back into the female. This comes with some risks and is very expensive, however, many have been successful.

I would have mental breakdowns due to my ex’s comments on my weight as well as me not being able to conceive. He would embarrass me in front of other people. I had never hid my condition from him but he made me feel like less of a woman due to my infertility. Due to this I became suicidal, and had constant panic attacks. Thanks to good friends and supportive family members (who lived in the UK whilst I was in the US) I managed to escape my marriage.

Also, the pressure of his mother always complaining about me not being pregnant was constantly on my mind. She would make remarks about if me and my ex were using protection and would discuss this with her friends in front of me. I would be so embarrassed and my ex was okay with it. He would defend his mother and tell me she can say and do what she wants.

How to Cope with PCOS

So what do I do, while living with PCOS to cope? I remind myself every day that I’m beautiful in any shape or size as PCOS does make losing weight difficult. My weight fluctuates but I don’t let it bring me down. Yes, I do experience bad days but I try to eat healthily but never starve or deprive myself. PCOS is a mental challenge more than anything so it is very important to keep and have an optimistic mindset.

PCOS does not rule out having children for me. It just makes the journey to become a mother more difficult but I know that God has a plan for me. I surround myself with people who will always love and support me.

It really does affect my mental health and I always try my best to support charities who help orphaned children and women struggling with fertility. This gesture gives my mind comfort that I’m helping those less fortunate than me and I begin to show more gratitude.

I have started to try and drink green juices every morning, I avoid dairy products as much as I can as I become bloated! I was also advised to eat gluten and dairy free products to avoid diabetes and increase in weight. So you might want to look more into that!

For excessive hair growth I have had laser treatment done and it has really helped with my confidence and self-esteem. Laser has many benefits as it also clears up your skin and any hyperpigmentation caused by PCOS.

Remember ladies, having a supportive partner is so crucial when facing difficulties in life especially involving fertility. I wasn’t as lucky BUT not being able to have children doesn’t define who I am as a person or a woman. Just remember after hardship comes ease and if we are not blessed to have children, we will be blessed in other ways.

Written by Layla

Living with Anxiety and Learning to Manage it

Living through a pandemic was not anyones radar at the beginning of 2020 and mental health struggles have increased massively. One such issue is anxiety and it can be debilitating. Here are some our tips for living with anxiety and learning to manage it.

Identifying Anxiety

What exactly are the symptoms of anxiety? Well each person is different but there are a number of physical and mental symptoms that might appear including:

  • Faster heart rate
  • Breathlessness
  • Loss of appetite
  • Chest Pains
  • Shaking
  • Intrusive thoughts
  • Loss of concentration
  • Worrying
  • Feeling tense
  • Crying
  • Uncontrollable overthinking
  • Dissociation
  • Stomach issues

Everyone experiences anxiety to some level. Perhaps before a job interview, test or during an argument… However, some of us are living with anxiety that interferes with our daily life and can affect our relationships, job performance and studies.

Here are some tips that we have found to be useful to manage our own anxiety:

Write Down Your Thoughts

Something we have found to be incredibly effective, is putting pen to paper and writing. Sometimes just putting your thoughts into words can be cathartic when you feel your mind racing. What is making you anxious? Write it down. This was one of the reasons we founded TalkThirtea!

notebook opened on desk near books
Photo by Ann Nekr on Pexels.com

Get Fresh Air

These last 18 months have been stifling for all of us. Getting some fresh air and a brisk walk outside (even 15 minutes) can really help alleviate some of your anxiety.

Talk It Out

I know when you feel anxious, sometimes you feel like isolating yourself. You don’t want to cause a scene or worry people. However, talking to a loved one or even a professional can really unburden you. They might offer you some advice that puts things into perspective. And people really do care.

Stop and Breathe

If you suffer with anxiety or panic attacks, you might’ve experienced a shortness of breath and sometimes it feels like something heavy is on your chest. Focus on your breathing e.g. 4 seconds breathe in, 4 seconds breathe out… This will help slow down your heart rate and hopefully ease your anxiety.

woman in brown shirt in a bending position
Photo by Mikhail Nilov on Pexels.com

Practicing Yoga

Personally, I have found yoga to be excellent at reducing my anxiety. I find that the mornings I skip my yoga with adrienne session, are the days I am less centered and feel edgy. And yoga is for people of all ages and abilities and doesn’t always mean headstands. Yoga with adrienne on youtube is an excellent free resource. Please try it out for 10 minutes and see if it helps alleviate your symptoms!

These are just some of the ways we are experiencing living with anxiety and learning to manage it. We are by no means expert on this subject and recommend you speak with a mental health expert. If you have any tips of your own or would like to share your own anxiety stories, we would love to hear from you!

You can’t stop the waves… but you can learn to surf.

Why Your 30s Can Be Better Than Your 20s

If you are approaching your 30s with some fear that your best days are behind you, we’re here to remind you that the only way is up! Your 20s may have been a fun decade, but your 30s can be even better. Here are some improvements you can hope to see this decade.

photo of rock formation near sea

Photo by Efrain Alonso on Pexels.com
  1. You have more confidence

In our 20s, most of us focus far too much on what other people think and how we are perceived. By our 30s, we’ve really ran out of f*cks… We know our own personal style, our taste in music and where our priorities lay. It feels amazing to be at ease in your own skin!

2. You are more skilled

By 30, we have spent a fair bit of time honing our skills, whether they be career skills, cooking or decorating our apartments. In our 20s, we are normally all winging it and figuring out things as we go.

3. You feel more beautiful

This goes hand in hand with our confidence, but by our 30s, we know our body and hopefully should be at a better place with accepting how we look. We appreciate our bodies and can accept our flaws, rather than drawing comparisons to others.

happy woman doing a high five
Photo by Zen Chung on Pexels.com

4. You don’t care what other people are doing

Of course, our loved ones matter. But what I mean by this is, we do not have that FOMO anymore and wondering if we are doing what we should be/what others are doing.

5. You are in a better financial position

Everyone is different but most of us have worked minimum wage jobs while studying or working our way up in a career. Our 20s are normally a financial struggle. But hopefully by this point, our bank balances are a bit healthier!

6. You have fewer, but better friends

In our 20s, friends come and go during your studies, different jobs and travels. So by the time we reach our 30s, we normally have a solid, good friends group who we can trust for life!

Those are just some of the improvements you might expect to see in your 30s. Everyone is different so we’d love to hear what you think about getting older. Are you scared of aging? Learning to embrace it? Let us know in the comments below!

Learning to Embrace Single Life at 30

You probably read the title of this post and felt pity for me. Single and thirty? Who could possible want that? Well… I’m not sure I wanted or expected it. But it’s what I am and I’m learning to embrace my new single life at 30 years old. I am even learning to enjoy being alone.

When you’ve always been a couple, it can take some serious adjustment to be on your own. It feels uncomfortable and sometimes it is really isolating. At 30 years old, almost all of my friends are in relationships and are settling down. It’s hard not to feel like the odd one out for me. However, I’ve learnt that being single and at this age, can be quite liberating.

Society gives the narrative that women of a certain age should be married with babies by this age. You’ve no doubt heard “You’ll meet someone soon.” even when you seem perfectly happy. However, women are realising that it’s okay if you never do meet anyone. Your singleness doesn’t need to be fixed. It’s okay to be alone and it’s time to embrace it.

person on a bridge near a lake
Photo by S Migaj on Pexels.com

Let’s list all the reasons why being single at 30 should be embraced!

You didn’t settle

In your 20s you may have thought you met the right match, only for the relationship not to work. Good! That means you didn’t settle for someone who would make you unhappy in the long run. Imagine being stuck with someone you know is not your soulmate, for forever!

You’re the decision-maker now

Being single means you get to make all of your own decisions. You’re the ruler of your own destiny and you don’t have a partner there to influence you. You get to call the shots.

No more in-laws

I don’t think we need to expand on this one… woohooooo!

man surfing
Photo by Bob Ward on Pexels.com

Your time is your own

Being single means you have all of your free time to explore your interests and hobbies. Sometimes in a relationship we get caught up with our partner and lose ourselves in the process.

You never know what the future holds

You are single and able to meet new people that you would never have had the chance to before! That means your opportunities are endless. Even if you are holding out for your soulmate, you’ll have fun getting to date and meet different people!

Your standards are higher

If you’ve made it to 30 and are on the market again, the chances are you have suffered a few fools. Hopefully, this means your standards will be sky high. At this age, we have a better sense of who we are and what we want and we won’t tolerate people or behaviours that do not serve us any purpose.

white and brown cake on white ceramic plate
Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on Pexels.com

You can be selfish without the guilt

Relationships are all about compromises. Now you don’t have to compromise and take into consideration someone else’s feelings and preferences. You can wear what you like, eat without sharing, book last minute trips, all with nobody to answer to!

These are just some of the reasons to embrace being single in your 30sWe haven’t even mentioned NOT having to share your bed anymore! Let us know what your favourite part about being single is.

Written by Jade

Why 2021 should be the year we step outside our comfort zone

If you are feeling stuck, bored or frustrated with the direction your life is going, you might be spending too much time in your comfort zone. Today’s blog post is all about why 2021 should be the year we push ourselves to step outside our comfort zone.

What exactly is a comfort zone? Well, it’s defined as a psychological state when things feel familiar. We are at ease and in control of their environment. We tend to get used to the routine and humdrum of daily life. There is nothing that will set off our anxiety, nothing to make us uncomfortable and so we stick with what we know whether we are happy or not. There is no incentive to change because we feel safe. However, as most of us know, nothing grows in the comfort zone.

Your desires and dreams are normally outside your comfort zone. Dreaming of a career change? Trying to learn a new language? Got fitness goals you want to achieve? Want to travel to that dream destination? These are completely achievable. But they’re not inside your comfort zone.

Here’s 7 reasons why you should make 2021 the year you push your boundaries are get out of the

Tackle Your Fears

Our mind is a funny thing. Sometimes we allow ourselves to build things up in our head that are rarely as bad as we think they are. And the fears we refuse to face, will become our limits in the longterm.

people on sidewalk selective focal photo
Photo by Cameron Casey on Pexels.com

Nobody Cares As Much As You Think

People do not care. When you are nervous and putting yourself out there, you feel like everyone is judging you. Most people are too self-absorbed to notice. And if they do, they’ll likely think “Good for you!”

People With Less Talent Are Achieving Your Goals

You’ve probably seen other people do things that you want and thought, “what do they have, that I don’t?” The answer is probably balls. They’re willing to put themselves out there and make a fool of themselves to get where they want to be. Are you?

Imagine How You’ll Feel When You Do What You Want

We’ve all been stuck in a place we don’t want to be. A dead end job, a toxic relationship, out of shape. Imagine how good it will feel when you actually escape that life and are doing the exact things you want to do in life. Being brave is what will get you there!

road between trees near snow capped mountains
Photo by Janiere Fernandez on Pexels.com

You Won’t Be Scared of Failure

Failure teaches us and it breaks our ego. Once you have failed, you have learned a lesson. You won’t be so scared of rejection or “failure” in the future. What lessons can you use from this failure to get to where you want to be?

You Pull Down Other Mental Barriers

When you have achieved one of your goals, you start breaking down the boundaries you had set for yourself but things that once seemed unattainable start looking like options. And your life goals become bigger.

You’ll Become More Confident

Who doesn’t love smashing their goals? It’s an amazing feeling to achieve something you once dreamt of. Pushing yourself will boost your confidence and you’ll feel on top of the world!

Are you feeling inspired now to take a leap of faith? Make 2021 the year we face our fears and achieve our goals. Let’s step out of our comfort zone and get to where we want to be!

Written by Jade

My Trip To EL&N Cafe London

Written by Layla

I planned an afternoon tea for my best friend as it was her birthday June 3rd and we decided we wanted to visit London’s most Instagrammable cafe’s!

I love trying out new places and especially if they are Instagrammable! This cafe was screaming with different shades of pink flowers, seating and neon lighting settings! My best friend’s birthday came at the perfect time as the weather was beautiful in London at 27 degrees! We got our summer dresses out and made our way to EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street!

EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

EL&N Cafe on Lowndes Street sits perfectly on the corner with lavish pink seating outside. The staff in light pink t shirts and pink face masks, and the amazing bright pink flowers decorating the cafe.

To be seated indoors, due to Covid-19 guideliness in place, we had to reserve a table of four a week in advance. We arrived at our given time at 1:45pm, and were greeted at the entrance. We were told to follow a staff member down these spirally pink stairs which lead to our reservation table.

Adventure awaits, but first coffee – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

As we reached the basement of the cafe it was brightly lit with beautiful pink roses and flowers attached around cocooned seating areas. Arched windows with flowers blooming underneath and around the seating. We chose the booth that beautifully wrote ‘I love you a latte’.

I love you a latte – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

Once we sat in our booth, we discovered a reflecting mirror fitted in the ceiling which complimented the neon EL&N lighting and surrounding decor.

Ceiling Mirror inside the booth – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

We were four people and so we had ordered two portions of afternoon tea bundles which included a variety of sandwiches, cakes and cereal!

Afternoon Tea – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

We also ordered peach teas which were very delicious and not too sweet! They were perfect and had pretty little colourful flowers to compliment the cafe.

Peach Tea – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

I would definitely recommend this cafe as it was so Instagrammable, the hospitality was brilliant and the food was great! I know I will be visiting again as the pricing was not too bad either! It has such a vibrant atmosphere and you would definitely enjoy the vibe!

How to Create a Realistic And Productive Morning Routine

Written by Jade

Creating a realistic morning routine can be the answer to a productive day. If you are on social media you have undoubtedly seen influencers talk about this but finding a realistic morning routine is what is actually important. If the idea of a 6am alarm, green juice and a trip to the gym doesn’t sound appealing, don’t worry. We don’t blame you.

Here at TalkThirtea, we are all about creating a morning routine that is realistic, but you can still feel satisfied with yourself by the time you sit down at the desk.

  1. Do not snooze your alarm

The first thing we recommend you do, is find a time that works for you and stick with it. Whether it be 7am or 10am, do NOT snooze. When that alarm goes off, force yourself to get up. The first few times you may feel like burrowing your head under the covers, but after a week, you will get used to it. If you are a notorious late sleeper, push your alarm back by 15 minutes each day until you are at your desired wake up hour.

2. Resist the urge to scroll on your phone

Some people are good at moderation… they will check their emails or instagram feed for 5 minutes then get on with their day. Most of us, however, are not. Social media is notoriously addictive, after all it is built that way. We get a dopamine hit every time we scroll and it is difficult to stop. Starting your day off by spending 30 minutes scrolling through instagram and social media is hardly the productive start we are after. Leave the phone on your bedside table!

3. Make your bed

Psychologically, starting the day by achieving this simple task leads to us to be more productive for the rest of the day. You have already achieved your first task, why not tick off some more? A tidy bed might even encourage you to keep the rest of your bedroom tidy. A simple but effective trick!

4. Hydrate your body

After 7-8 hours of sleep, our bodies are gasping for that H20. I always refill my water bottle right before bed. We all know about the importance of hydration. This reminds me to drink my water, especially before my caffeine hit! Once I drink that first bottle, it is easier to keep hydrated the rest of the day too.

5. Move your body

This one sounds difficult but moving your body doesn’t have to mean going on a jog or anything too strenuous. However, I find that even 10 minutes of body stretches or a quick yoga routine is an excellent way to get the blood flowing and release some stiffness. I highly recommend Yoga with Adrienne on youtube, for any level whether you are a beginner or pro.

6. Gratitude

When that alarm goes off, rather than picking up your phone, take a few minutes to think about all the things in your life that you are grateful for. Just remind yourself of how lucky you truly are rather than focusing on the day ahead. This mind shift can completely change your outlook on life.

So what does your morning routine look like? Are you an early bird or do you struggle to get out of bed? Try implementing some of these tips into your morning routine for a week and let us know how you get on!

Marital Expectations for Women in South Asia

When you think of the South Asian culture, you think food, colours, Bollywood, etc. It is all that and much more but when it narrows down to marriage expectations it’s a different ball game.

You might be wondering, “It can’t be that bad Layla, you’re exaggerating” but as someone who has first hand experience as a South Asian woman and who married a South Asian man, I pretty much felt like I had been thrown back into the 18th century.

Firstly, I didn’t think that being married within my own culture was going to be a bad experience for me as I’ve seen my parents grow beautifully together and my father always treating my mother with the upmost respect. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case for me and isn’t for many South Asian women.

Even though this may be the case for many women, it’s not always true for some as their families and in-laws are more modern and westernised. However, the ones who value the South Asian culture in terms of expectations within a marriage can be daunting and damaging to ones mental and physical health.

The next few points will discuss what can be expected within a South Asian cultural marriage.

  1. Living with your In-Laws: This can be quite controversial as not everyone prefers to share their privacy and space with their In-laws. Also, when you want to grow with your partner, you may not be able to as their will always be opinions and comments from x,y and z that can cause a rift in your relationship. However, this may be a condition set before-hand and if you are a South Asian woman, you may feel obliged to accept as you feel you don’t have a choice and not to disrespect your parents honour.
  2. Calling your Mother In-Law everyday (if you’re not living with your In-Laws): This expectation was beyond me as I thought it was so weird to call someone you barely know everyday and to ask if they need help with cooking/cleaning when they have children who are of age to be carrying out these duties? But since you are the daughter in-law it automatically becomes your duty to fulfill.
  3. Cooking and cleaning for your In-Laws: Since you are now the daughter In-law, whether you are living with your In-laws or not, this is “obligitory” and is seen as a right for you to carry out. You are seen as this individual who didn’t get married for a companionship but to be responsible for chores and to take care of other people. No matter how old your brother or sister in-laws are, it is your duty to fulfill.
  4. You can only wear what is suitable in the eyes of your Father and Mother In-Law: Whatever you wore when you were living with your parents or on your own may now not be acceptable in their eyes. You are expected to dress ‘respectfully’ so other South Asian families within the community won’t comment on what you are wearing. ‘Respectful’ clothing for me included covering my chest area, my rear, making sure my outfits were not complimenting my body shape and a headscarf around the men or when visiting my In-Laws or any relatives.
  5. You have to sacrifice and compromise your happiness in order for your husband and In-Laws to be happy: If you think your happiness matters, you have another thing coming. You are expected to behave as your marriage has given you a new family and you need to forget about your family. No matter the situation, you can’t speak against your husband as he is always seen as ‘right’ and higher status than you.

The above points are just some issues I have highlighted as expectations in some South Asian marriages. My experience taught me that I deserve to be treated as an equal and my happiness matters more. This is why my marriage broke down as my ex could not handle me defending myself.

Don’t ever feel ashamed to stand up for what is right and express your feelings! No one is obliged to live like a maid when married! Marriage is about two people who are meant to be happy with each other and not to please other people and expectations.

Written by Layla

What I wish I’d known before marrying in my 20s

Hindsight is 20/20 and after my divorce there are a list of things I wish I’d known before marrying in my 20s. With each new generation, there are less and less of us walking down the aisle and saying I do. It’s common to meet people in their 30s and 40s who have no desire to marry or have children, preferring to focus on their careers, travelling and reach their personal goals – something that amongst our grandparents generation was unthinkable.

I however, am not one of those people. At the grand old age of 25, I had a humble court marriage to the man I met at just 19 years old. My first love and my first committed, adult relationship. I moved my life across to the USA to be with him and thought I was just one of the lucky ones who met my life partner while I was young. Ultimately our marriage did not work out and here I am at 30, divorced and childless, with lots of advice for anyone who cares to listen.

adult bride celebration ceremony
Marriage doesn’t always mean forever

What I wish I’d known

So here are some things I wish I’d known before getting married in my 20s

You’ll change a lot

At 25, I felt like I was the fully formed version of myself. An adult, who paid my own bills, held down a job, cooked, cleaned and all of the boring stuff. I had even lived abroad and survived. So why couldn’t I be a wife? I was responsible and educated and we loved each other. What could possibly go wrong? Well… I changed. And so did he. We grew up, we realised our priorities were different, our interests changed. Life gave us many challenges that skewed our perspective… And it changed us. And that’s ok. But if we had taken into account how much we would develop in just 5 years, maybe we would have seen that our goals and lifestyles would become incompatible.

Don’t get swept up in potential

This seems like an obvious one, but so many of us ignore red flags because we love the person. We see their potential and think we can overlook the parts of the person that we don’t like so much. I am here to tell you that if there are red flags in the relationship, if there are things that gets under your skin that that your partner does, (maybe the condescending tone they use when they don’t agree with you. Or their temper when you argue…) TAKE NOTE. You cannot change a persons character to suit your own needs. If there are issues from the beginning, communicate this with them. If the behaviour continues, it will not go anywhere once you are married. Nothing will kill a marriage like realising you actually don’t like the person as much as you once thought. Run!

Compromising leads to resentment

This is a bold statement of course, so hear me out. A relationship is a give and take and there will be things that we have to sacrifice in order to make both parties happy. However, if you are finding that your significant other is constantly pushing your boundaries, asking you to change how you do things, how you dress or how often you phone his mother, this will leave you feeling unworthy. There is nothing worse than being constantly criticised or being told to change. It is a direct attack on our personalities and it causes resentment to build. Ask yourself, why would I want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love everything about me?

people gathered inside house sitting on sofa
Listen to your nearest and dearest

If your friends and family have doubts, question it

Some people ignore any and all advice from their family and friends when it comes to their significant others. We are blinded by our love for them and don’t want anyone interfering in our relationships. “What do they know? They don’t know him like I do. They just don’t want me to be happy.” But be brutally honest with yourself. If the closest people in your life seem standoffish with your partner, or are raising concerns about them, it probably isn’t to sabotage your relationship, but to save you the inevitable heartbreak down the line. Listen to your loved ones and listen to your gut! Marriage is a big commitment!

Make sure expectations of you are clear

Though less common nowadays, oftentimes men have expectations of what it means to have a wife. Perhaps they grew up with a stay at home mother who picked up their clothes after them, who cooked, cleaned and who bowed to their every need. Perhaps not. Everyone is different but make sure that before you marry someone, they understand the role you are taking on as their significant other. If you are going to be a business focused, career woman who is barely home, make sure he knows that! Some men cannot handle an independent women, for others it is massively attractive. Some men want a wife who spends her time in the kitchen and takes care of his needs before her own. It is 2021 and most of us women will simply not tolerate being treated like servants… If this is not you, make that clear about setting their expectations. This is something I wish I’d known before getting married so young.

happy woman with rolling pin cooking at home
I wish I’d known my partners expectations before getting married.

Create boundaries with your in-laws

For some people this is a non-issue. What do you mean set boundaries with my mother-in-law?! I don’t need to, she’s a sweetheart. Lucky you! For others, we don’t get so lucky. And if you’ve met a mummy’s boy… god speed! The best advice I can give to you is to set boundaries with your significant other and their parents from the beginning. Make yourself clear what you will and will not tolerate, regardless of hurting their feelings. If your mother-in-law shows up at your house unannounced and it bothers you, voice this! If your father-in-law criticises your cooking and the way you dress, SPEAK UP! Or forever hold your peace… Whether you like it or not, they will be a huge part of your life, so it is better to establish a healthy relationship with them before you tie the knot!

These are just what I wish I’d known before getting married in my 20s. Let me know if you share any of these feelings in the comments below!

Written by Jade