Being a Pakistani Divorcee in 2021

I just want to say that not all Pakistani women and families experience whatever I have. Sometimes the stigma behind the south asian culture can cause a rift of what is and isn’t so it’s important to say that my experience is entirely my own. If you relate in any way just know you are not alone and I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.

I don’t know about anyone else or if you’re able to relate, but don’t you feel like you’ve had enough of being silent & hearing others bullshit about your marriage? The marriage you tried so hard to save and make work? The marriage they so happen to have the most opinions about?

If you happen to be south asian like me then this might be a hi5 moment as I discuss my experience as a Pakistani divorcee in 2021.

My Parents

Where do I begin? I remember being told at the age of 12 years old by my mother that I needed to learn how to kneed the dough, cook curries and clean my house to please my husband and just in case I lived with my in-laws.

My mother had the privilege of being born in the UK. However, my father was born in Bahrain and raised in Pakistan. So, he was called to the UK, 3 years after being married to my mother. In this case, my mother didn’t live with in-laws, however my father was very cultural and opposed certain laws onto my mother such as not going out on her own, covering her face if she ever visited a certain part of Birmingham and being a housewife. But, soon as we grew up and my father got with the times and watched the generation change where women became more independent and were out there working hard and striving to meet their goals, my father changed.

When it came to my divorce, after me constantly trying to make my marriage work and my father watching me day and night, watching me cry and not eat, he would speak words of comfort to me. Now, not every south asian man or woman gets this treatment and till this day we are hearing and seeing people commit suicide or suffering at the hands of their husbands/wives/in-laws. But, not my parents.

All praises to God, my parents are so supportive.

The following words of comfort and encouragement are some of the things my parents said to me when I was broken and ashamed of whatever was happening:

God wanted you to be happy and that’s why he removed the one thing that wasn’t making you happy.”

Aslong as we are alive, no one can say anything to you or question you about whatever happened.

Live your life and if you want to work and travel the world go for it.”

A good man will enter your life and will support you and love you for the good woman you are.”

My Friends

My friends have been so supportive and kind. Not out of sympathy but because they’ve known me for years on end and know that I would have gone lengths to fix my marriage. ‘Fix’ was not the problem in my marriage, he is a narcissist that couldn’t get fixed.

My friends have encouraged me to start building back my confidence through skin care, getting dressed, putting on some makeup and double dates! And let me tell you, most guys don’t care if you’re a divorcee. I’ve been told my past is the past and they only care about the person I am today. It was an experience that has made me a stronger person.

Driving around the countryside, going to different cities, parks, restaurants and spending quality time with family and friends really is helping me with my mental health and well-being.

Choosing Yourself

It’s really sad that in today’s society women are being forced to stay with abusive partners and to ‘accept’ their fate because ‘daughter-in-laws’ are to take care of everyone and not have a life of their own.

I was always told from my ex that no one would look at me the same after knowing I’m a divorcee because I’m a woman. But, ever since i’ve been back and met new people, being a divorcee doesn’t affect most men’s opinions of you. This really helped my confidence.

I had to choose myself for the sake of my own mental health, to feel secure in my own skin, to be independent and have the choice of having my own bank account (I know, crazy right?) and to be loved unconditionally.

Being a Pakistani divorcee in 2021 has really shown me a different perspective of what other men actually think of you and how the community sees you and to be fair it ain’t all bad. You just have to remind yourself that you’re a bad ass bitch regardless and no one can judge you with this ‘label’ of being a divorcee.

Written by Layla

Breakfast at Ladana Cafe: Birmingham, United Kingdom

I’ve been meaning to try out this cafe ever since I’ve been back from the States and let me tell you it didn’t disappoint! This is also a Halal breakfast spot! I would definitely rate this place:

  • Food: 9/10
  • Service: 8/10
  • Hygiene: 8/10
  • Decor: 9/10
Breakfast at Ladana Cafe – Birmingham, UK.

I love trying out new places with different backgrounds and culture. This cafe sits in the heart of Birmingham on Stratford Road and is always attracting its customers with its cool green colours and cute outdoor seating!

English Breakfast – Baked Beans, Toast (white bread), Hashbrown, Sausages, Turkey Bacon, Cherry Tomatoes, Mushrooms and Fried Egg – Ladana Cafe, Birmingham, UK

We ordered a full English breakfast and I can say everything tasted so good! I wasn’t too keen on trying the Turkey Bacon as the smell is not something I’m too familiar with (being Muslim and all who doesn’t eat Bacon lol) but it didn’t taste too bad for my first time! The sausages were lovely and the fried egg was crispy and delicious!

French Toast with Nutella Sauce, Strawberries and Blueberries – Ladana Cafe, Birmingham UK

The french toast were amazing! So light and fluffy! Very filling and tasted so well with the nutella and fruit!

Fluffy Pancakes with Nutella Sauce, Whipped Cream, Strawberries and Blueberries – Ladana Cafe, Birmingham UK

The fluffy pancakes were a catch! So succulent and filling! Absolutely loved this! The fruit really gave it an edge and wouldn’t mind trying this again!

Strawberry Mojito Mocktail – Ladana Cafe, Birmingham UK

My favourite would have to be the strawberry mojito mocktails! I had two! Very cool, refreshing and definitely hit the spot!

I would definitely recommend this place! It has a really cool atmosphere and is a great place to visit with family or friends!

Written by Layla

Dinner at The Soho Oak Restaurant – West Bromwich, Birmingham, United Kingdom.

Before I begin, I need to praise my Indian friend Nav for introducing me to such a delicious cuisine! Since me and my friend are Muslim and she’s vegetarian we opted for the Veg menu! And can I just say it’s absolutely mouth-watering!

I would give this restaurant:

  • Food: 8/10
  • Service: 7/10
  • Hygiene: 8/10
  • Decor: 5/10
Dinner at The Soho Oak Restaurant – West Brom, Birmingham, UK

We ordered a mix grill platter which consists of Gunpowder Paneer, Veg Kebab, Veg Tikka, Onion Bhaji, Chilli Paneer, Sweet Peppers, and Grilled Onions.

Mixed Veg Grill Platter – The Soho Oak

We also ordered a side of chilli chips which were made in a nice spicey sauce topped with spring onions.

Chilli Chips – The Soho Oak

This next dish is made with soya chicken covered in szechuan sauce!

Szechuan Chicken – The Soho Oak

This Paneer Tikka Masala curry was so delicious! It’s cooked with cottage cheese and rich, creamy tomatoe sauce topped with indian spices! Was so yummy! We had this with garlic cheese naan bread!

Paneer Tikka Masala – The Soho Oak

I would definitely recommend this restaurant as it caters for both meat lovers and vegetarians!

Written By Layla

My Trip to Knypersley Reservoir: Stoke-On-Trent

I love spontaneous outings and adventures! The places I visit the most have to include some history and background to pull me in. This place caught my eye as it wasn’t too far from home which was probably an hour and six minutes from Birmingham!

I grabbed two of my closest friends who never hike and walk through nature as they are scared of insects! But once they discovered the beauty behind the nature they loved it.

Forest – Knypersley Reservoir
Falling Tree – Knypersley Reservoir
Lake – Knypersley Reservoir
Small bridge – Knypersley Reservoir
Cool looking tree – Knypersley Reservoir
Hidden castle – Knypersley Reservoir
Waterfall – Knypersley Reservoir
Waterfall – Knypersley Reservoir

The walk around the reservoir was amazing as it was very picturesque and the views were amazing! There were many benches around the park as it can be quite tiring reaching the waterfall. However, it was worth it as there were many cool sites to see and explore!

I would definitely recommend this place as it is so beautiful and the hidden castle and waterfall really makes up for the hike!

Written by Layla