Things We’re Leaving in Our 20s

As we enter into this new decade, TalkThirtea has taken time to reflect on the last decade – our 20s. Like everyone, it has been full of highs and lows and we’ve learned many lessons along the way. Here are some of the things we plan on leaving in our 20s!

Dwelling On The Past

Obviously, this does not mean that we won’t look back at our memories with fondness. Of course we will! However, we are not looking back to punish ourselves on all of the “What ifs” and “Should’ve done’s.” We are at this exact point in our lives for a reason and every choice we’ve made up until today has led us to where we are right now. And for that we should be eternally grateful. No regrets!

Bad Body Image

creative woman body shaped candle placed on magazine
Photo by kira schwarz on Pexels.com

Well this one is a tough habit to break, but going into our 30s, we’re done hating our bodies or picking ourselves apart (and if you’re in your 20s doing this, please stop!) We are enough just the way we are. Gone are the days of saying “I can’t wear that until I lose 20lbs” or “I wish I wasn’t so pale.” Our 30s are going to be a decade full of self-love!

Accepting The Bare Minimum

Like most people, in our 20s, we’ve all allowed ourselves to be disrespected in one way or another. Relationships in particular have been disappointing. And we’ve learned the hard way that accepting the bare minimum is a form of disrespect. Nobody should have to beg anyone for the basics, like time and affection! So onwards and upwards!

Self-doubt/Negative Self Talk

persons hands with rainbow colors
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

We’ve survived the first 29 years and we’ve succeeded in plenty of the things we’ve put our minds to. Why wouldn’t we be able to achieve all of our goals in our 30s? Negative self-talk is the biggest hurdle in reaching our goals. We’re pulling down those mental barriers in our 30s.

Comparing Ourselves to Other

Everyone is on a different path. Some people have started families, others have built successful careers. Others are struggling to find their way in life. We’re not wasting any more time comparing our timeline to someone else’s. Comparison is the thief of joy and it’s time to embrace exactly where we are in this moment.

Saying Yes/People Pleasing

It’s uncomfortable to say no to things sometimes. But we’re learning that setting boundaries is an act of self-respect. It is nice to be nice but it’s also nice to say NO. And do what you actually want to. In our 30s, we are done people pleasing while making ourselves unhappy in the process.

Waiting on “Someday”

Someday is today… “Someday I’ll start that business” “Someday I’ll go live abroad.” We’re done waiting on someday. Life is really short and growth really only starts at the end of our comfort zone, so why are we putting our goals to the side and settling for something less while waiting on someday? Not in our 30s! We’re on a mission to smash our goals this decade and seek discomfort!

“Choose to do more than just exist; choose to live.”

Breakfast at Ladana Cafe: Birmingham, United Kingdom

I’ve been meaning to try out this cafe ever since I’ve been back from the States and let me tell you it didn’t disappoint! This is also a Halal breakfast spot! I would definitely rate this place:

  • Food: 9/10
  • Service: 8/10
  • Hygiene: 8/10
  • Decor: 9/10
Breakfast at Ladana Cafe – Birmingham, UK.

I love trying out new places with different backgrounds and culture. This cafe sits in the heart of Birmingham on Stratford Road and is always attracting its customers with its cool green colours and cute outdoor seating!

English Breakfast – Baked Beans, Toast (white bread), Hashbrown, Sausages, Turkey Bacon, Cherry Tomatoes, Mushrooms and Fried Egg – Ladana Cafe, Birmingham, UK

We ordered a full English breakfast and I can say everything tasted so good! I wasn’t too keen on trying the Turkey Bacon as the smell is not something I’m too familiar with (being Muslim and all who doesn’t eat Bacon lol) but it didn’t taste too bad for my first time! The sausages were lovely and the fried egg was crispy and delicious!

French Toast with Nutella Sauce, Strawberries and Blueberries – Ladana Cafe, Birmingham UK

The french toast were amazing! So light and fluffy! Very filling and tasted so well with the nutella and fruit!

Fluffy Pancakes with Nutella Sauce, Whipped Cream, Strawberries and Blueberries – Ladana Cafe, Birmingham UK

The fluffy pancakes were a catch! So succulent and filling! Absolutely loved this! The fruit really gave it an edge and wouldn’t mind trying this again!

Strawberry Mojito Mocktail – Ladana Cafe, Birmingham UK

My favourite would have to be the strawberry mojito mocktails! I had two! Very cool, refreshing and definitely hit the spot!

I would definitely recommend this place! It has a really cool atmosphere and is a great place to visit with family or friends!

Written by Layla

Dinner at The Soho Oak Restaurant – West Bromwich, Birmingham, United Kingdom.

Before I begin, I need to praise my Indian friend Nav for introducing me to such a delicious cuisine! Since me and my friend are Muslim and she’s vegetarian we opted for the Veg menu! And can I just say it’s absolutely mouth-watering!

I would give this restaurant:

  • Food: 8/10
  • Service: 7/10
  • Hygiene: 8/10
  • Decor: 5/10
Dinner at The Soho Oak Restaurant – West Brom, Birmingham, UK

We ordered a mix grill platter which consists of Gunpowder Paneer, Veg Kebab, Veg Tikka, Onion Bhaji, Chilli Paneer, Sweet Peppers, and Grilled Onions.

Mixed Veg Grill Platter – The Soho Oak

We also ordered a side of chilli chips which were made in a nice spicey sauce topped with spring onions.

Chilli Chips – The Soho Oak

This next dish is made with soya chicken covered in szechuan sauce!

Szechuan Chicken – The Soho Oak

This Paneer Tikka Masala curry was so delicious! It’s cooked with cottage cheese and rich, creamy tomatoe sauce topped with indian spices! Was so yummy! We had this with garlic cheese naan bread!

Paneer Tikka Masala – The Soho Oak

I would definitely recommend this restaurant as it caters for both meat lovers and vegetarians!

Written By Layla

My Trip to Knypersley Reservoir: Stoke-On-Trent

I love spontaneous outings and adventures! The places I visit the most have to include some history and background to pull me in. This place caught my eye as it wasn’t too far from home which was probably an hour and six minutes from Birmingham!

I grabbed two of my closest friends who never hike and walk through nature as they are scared of insects! But once they discovered the beauty behind the nature they loved it.

Forest – Knypersley Reservoir
Falling Tree – Knypersley Reservoir
Lake – Knypersley Reservoir
Small bridge – Knypersley Reservoir
Cool looking tree – Knypersley Reservoir
Hidden castle – Knypersley Reservoir
Waterfall – Knypersley Reservoir
Waterfall – Knypersley Reservoir

The walk around the reservoir was amazing as it was very picturesque and the views were amazing! There were many benches around the park as it can be quite tiring reaching the waterfall. However, it was worth it as there were many cool sites to see and explore!

I would definitely recommend this place as it is so beautiful and the hidden castle and waterfall really makes up for the hike!

Written by Layla

My PCOS Journey: Living with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

Living with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, this is my PCOS journey and story. Before I begin, I just want to praise and acknowledge anyone who gets up everyday feeling optimistic and accepting their PCOS journey. Even though you may question why this has happened to you or feel you may not be worthy of being a mother, know that God or whatever you may believe in has a better plan for you.

Below I explain PCOS and some symptoms I face:

What is PCOS?

Polycystic Ovary Syndrome is a condition that affects women and how the ovaries function. Nowadays it is thought that about 1 in 10 women in the UK suffer with PCOS. It is a hormonal condition and it is not known what causes this. Living with PCOS can be very difficult.

Common Symptoms or Signs of PCOS?

  • Excessive hair growth (face, chest, back)
  • Irregular periods or no period
  • Weight gain
  • Difficulty getting pregnant
  • Oily skin
  • Acne
  • Hair loss or hair thinning from the head
  • Increased risk of getting type 2 diabetes
  • Depression
  • Sleep Apnoea
  • High Blood Pressure

My PCOS consists of all these common signs and symptoms except type 2 diabetes (all praises to God). However, when I was seen by a gyno 8 months ago, she told me I was borderline type 2 diabetic. I was in the middle of my emotionally abusive marriage which I know was not helping my condition either!

Anyway, I only ever started my period naturally maximum 3 times in my whole life! Once when I was 11 years old and my period lasted 1 day, again at 15 years old and my period lasted 2/3 days and lastly at 27 when my marriage broke down. But my gynocologist mentioned I may have miscarried due to stress during my marriage breakdown. As you can imagine, living with PCOS and in an abusive marriage was extremely taxing on my mental health.

At the age of 21, having no period was obviously very abnormal. PCOS can run in the family and my cousin had been diagnosed with PCOS so I was pretty sure I had the same condition. However, I was neglected by the NHS when being checked by doctors at the age of 16 and was ruled out as having a “hormonal imbalance”. At 21 I had the same scan again and was finally told I had PCOS. I cried my eyes out because the thought of not being able to have children was daunting.

Toxic Relationship and PCOS

For me personally, I now see my PCOS as a gift. Why you may ask? Without a doubt it has saved me from my biggest regret. My marriage. I know if children were involved my life would have been over because he would have used my kids against me. Being in a narcissistic relationship didn’t help me or my health when I was trying to get pregnant. And thanks to my PCOS, I was saved from an abusive relationship longterm.

My ex husband was adamant that we would have children, despite knowing about my PCOS before we married. I stopped taking my contraception pills and began to see a gynocologist to help me conceive naturally. Unfortunately after some scans and blood tests I was told I would need to go through IVF. IVF is a procedure where the sperm and egg are fertilised outside the body by scientists and then inserted back into the female. This comes with some risks and is very expensive, however, many have been successful.

I would have mental breakdowns due to my ex’s comments on my weight as well as me not being able to conceive. He would embarrass me in front of other people. I had never hid my condition from him but he made me feel like less of a woman due to my infertility. Due to this I became suicidal, and had constant panic attacks. Thanks to good friends and supportive family members (who lived in the UK whilst I was in the US) I managed to escape my marriage.

Also, the pressure of his mother always complaining about me not being pregnant was constantly on my mind. She would make remarks about if me and my ex were using protection and would discuss this with her friends in front of me. I would be so embarrassed and my ex was okay with it. He would defend his mother and tell me she can say and do what she wants.

How to Cope with PCOS

So what do I do, while living with PCOS to cope? I remind myself every day that I’m beautiful in any shape or size as PCOS does make losing weight difficult. My weight fluctuates but I don’t let it bring me down. Yes, I do experience bad days but I try to eat healthily but never starve or deprive myself. PCOS is a mental challenge more than anything so it is very important to keep and have an optimistic mindset.

PCOS does not rule out having children for me. It just makes the journey to become a mother more difficult but I know that God has a plan for me. I surround myself with people who will always love and support me.

It really does affect my mental health and I always try my best to support charities who help orphaned children and women struggling with fertility. This gesture gives my mind comfort that I’m helping those less fortunate than me and I begin to show more gratitude.

I have started to try and drink green juices every morning, I avoid dairy products as much as I can as I become bloated! I was also advised to eat gluten and dairy free products to avoid diabetes and increase in weight. So you might want to look more into that!

For excessive hair growth I have had laser treatment done and it has really helped with my confidence and self-esteem. Laser has many benefits as it also clears up your skin and any hyperpigmentation caused by PCOS.

Remember ladies, having a supportive partner is so crucial when facing difficulties in life especially involving fertility. I wasn’t as lucky BUT not being able to have children doesn’t define who I am as a person or a woman. Just remember after hardship comes ease and if we are not blessed to have children, we will be blessed in other ways.

Written by Layla

Living with Anxiety and Learning to Manage it

Living through a pandemic was not anyones radar at the beginning of 2020 and mental health struggles have increased massively. One such issue is anxiety and it can be debilitating. Here are some our tips for living with anxiety and learning to manage it.

Identifying Anxiety

What exactly are the symptoms of anxiety? Well each person is different but there are a number of physical and mental symptoms that might appear including:

  • Faster heart rate
  • Breathlessness
  • Loss of appetite
  • Chest Pains
  • Shaking
  • Intrusive thoughts
  • Loss of concentration
  • Worrying
  • Feeling tense
  • Crying
  • Uncontrollable overthinking
  • Dissociation
  • Stomach issues

Everyone experiences anxiety to some level. Perhaps before a job interview, test or during an argument… However, some of us are living with anxiety that interferes with our daily life and can affect our relationships, job performance and studies.

Here are some tips that we have found to be useful to manage our own anxiety:

Write Down Your Thoughts

Something we have found to be incredibly effective, is putting pen to paper and writing. Sometimes just putting your thoughts into words can be cathartic when you feel your mind racing. What is making you anxious? Write it down. This was one of the reasons we founded TalkThirtea!

notebook opened on desk near books
Photo by Ann Nekr on Pexels.com

Get Fresh Air

These last 18 months have been stifling for all of us. Getting some fresh air and a brisk walk outside (even 15 minutes) can really help alleviate some of your anxiety.

Talk It Out

I know when you feel anxious, sometimes you feel like isolating yourself. You don’t want to cause a scene or worry people. However, talking to a loved one or even a professional can really unburden you. They might offer you some advice that puts things into perspective. And people really do care.

Stop and Breathe

If you suffer with anxiety or panic attacks, you might’ve experienced a shortness of breath and sometimes it feels like something heavy is on your chest. Focus on your breathing e.g. 4 seconds breathe in, 4 seconds breathe out… This will help slow down your heart rate and hopefully ease your anxiety.

woman in brown shirt in a bending position
Photo by Mikhail Nilov on Pexels.com

Practicing Yoga

Personally, I have found yoga to be excellent at reducing my anxiety. I find that the mornings I skip my yoga with adrienne session, are the days I am less centered and feel edgy. And yoga is for people of all ages and abilities and doesn’t always mean headstands. Yoga with adrienne on youtube is an excellent free resource. Please try it out for 10 minutes and see if it helps alleviate your symptoms!

These are just some of the ways we are experiencing living with anxiety and learning to manage it. We are by no means expert on this subject and recommend you speak with a mental health expert. If you have any tips of your own or would like to share your own anxiety stories, we would love to hear from you!

You can’t stop the waves… but you can learn to surf.

Why Your 30s Can Be Better Than Your 20s

If you are approaching your 30s with some fear that your best days are behind you, we’re here to remind you that the only way is up! Your 20s may have been a fun decade, but your 30s can be even better. Here are some improvements you can hope to see this decade.

photo of rock formation near sea

Photo by Efrain Alonso on Pexels.com
  1. You have more confidence

In our 20s, most of us focus far too much on what other people think and how we are perceived. By our 30s, we’ve really ran out of f*cks… We know our own personal style, our taste in music and where our priorities lay. It feels amazing to be at ease in your own skin!

2. You are more skilled

By 30, we have spent a fair bit of time honing our skills, whether they be career skills, cooking or decorating our apartments. In our 20s, we are normally all winging it and figuring out things as we go.

3. You feel more beautiful

This goes hand in hand with our confidence, but by our 30s, we know our body and hopefully should be at a better place with accepting how we look. We appreciate our bodies and can accept our flaws, rather than drawing comparisons to others.

happy woman doing a high five
Photo by Zen Chung on Pexels.com

4. You don’t care what other people are doing

Of course, our loved ones matter. But what I mean by this is, we do not have that FOMO anymore and wondering if we are doing what we should be/what others are doing.

5. You are in a better financial position

Everyone is different but most of us have worked minimum wage jobs while studying or working our way up in a career. Our 20s are normally a financial struggle. But hopefully by this point, our bank balances are a bit healthier!

6. You have fewer, but better friends

In our 20s, friends come and go during your studies, different jobs and travels. So by the time we reach our 30s, we normally have a solid, good friends group who we can trust for life!

Those are just some of the improvements you might expect to see in your 30s. Everyone is different so we’d love to hear what you think about getting older. Are you scared of aging? Learning to embrace it? Let us know in the comments below!

Learning to Embrace Single Life at 30

You probably read the title of this post and felt pity for me. Single and thirty? Who could possible want that? Well… I’m not sure I wanted or expected it. But it’s what I am and I’m learning to embrace my new single life at 30 years old. I am even learning to enjoy being alone.

When you’ve always been a couple, it can take some serious adjustment to be on your own. It feels uncomfortable and sometimes it is really isolating. At 30 years old, almost all of my friends are in relationships and are settling down. It’s hard not to feel like the odd one out for me. However, I’ve learnt that being single and at this age, can be quite liberating.

Society gives the narrative that women of a certain age should be married with babies by this age. You’ve no doubt heard “You’ll meet someone soon.” even when you seem perfectly happy. However, women are realising that it’s okay if you never do meet anyone. Your singleness doesn’t need to be fixed. It’s okay to be alone and it’s time to embrace it.

person on a bridge near a lake
Photo by S Migaj on Pexels.com

Let’s list all the reasons why being single at 30 should be embraced!

You didn’t settle

In your 20s you may have thought you met the right match, only for the relationship not to work. Good! That means you didn’t settle for someone who would make you unhappy in the long run. Imagine being stuck with someone you know is not your soulmate, for forever!

You’re the decision-maker now

Being single means you get to make all of your own decisions. You’re the ruler of your own destiny and you don’t have a partner there to influence you. You get to call the shots.

No more in-laws

I don’t think we need to expand on this one… woohooooo!

man surfing
Photo by Bob Ward on Pexels.com

Your time is your own

Being single means you have all of your free time to explore your interests and hobbies. Sometimes in a relationship we get caught up with our partner and lose ourselves in the process.

You never know what the future holds

You are single and able to meet new people that you would never have had the chance to before! That means your opportunities are endless. Even if you are holding out for your soulmate, you’ll have fun getting to date and meet different people!

Your standards are higher

If you’ve made it to 30 and are on the market again, the chances are you have suffered a few fools. Hopefully, this means your standards will be sky high. At this age, we have a better sense of who we are and what we want and we won’t tolerate people or behaviours that do not serve us any purpose.

white and brown cake on white ceramic plate
Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on Pexels.com

You can be selfish without the guilt

Relationships are all about compromises. Now you don’t have to compromise and take into consideration someone else’s feelings and preferences. You can wear what you like, eat without sharing, book last minute trips, all with nobody to answer to!

These are just some of the reasons to embrace being single in your 30sWe haven’t even mentioned NOT having to share your bed anymore! Let us know what your favourite part about being single is.

Written by Jade

Why 2021 should be the year we step outside our comfort zone

If you are feeling stuck, bored or frustrated with the direction your life is going, you might be spending too much time in your comfort zone. Today’s blog post is all about why 2021 should be the year we push ourselves to step outside our comfort zone.

What exactly is a comfort zone? Well, it’s defined as a psychological state when things feel familiar. We are at ease and in control of their environment. We tend to get used to the routine and humdrum of daily life. There is nothing that will set off our anxiety, nothing to make us uncomfortable and so we stick with what we know whether we are happy or not. There is no incentive to change because we feel safe. However, as most of us know, nothing grows in the comfort zone.

Your desires and dreams are normally outside your comfort zone. Dreaming of a career change? Trying to learn a new language? Got fitness goals you want to achieve? Want to travel to that dream destination? These are completely achievable. But they’re not inside your comfort zone.

Here’s 7 reasons why you should make 2021 the year you push your boundaries are get out of the

Tackle Your Fears

Our mind is a funny thing. Sometimes we allow ourselves to build things up in our head that are rarely as bad as we think they are. And the fears we refuse to face, will become our limits in the longterm.

people on sidewalk selective focal photo
Photo by Cameron Casey on Pexels.com

Nobody Cares As Much As You Think

People do not care. When you are nervous and putting yourself out there, you feel like everyone is judging you. Most people are too self-absorbed to notice. And if they do, they’ll likely think “Good for you!”

People With Less Talent Are Achieving Your Goals

You’ve probably seen other people do things that you want and thought, “what do they have, that I don’t?” The answer is probably balls. They’re willing to put themselves out there and make a fool of themselves to get where they want to be. Are you?

Imagine How You’ll Feel When You Do What You Want

We’ve all been stuck in a place we don’t want to be. A dead end job, a toxic relationship, out of shape. Imagine how good it will feel when you actually escape that life and are doing the exact things you want to do in life. Being brave is what will get you there!

road between trees near snow capped mountains
Photo by Janiere Fernandez on Pexels.com

You Won’t Be Scared of Failure

Failure teaches us and it breaks our ego. Once you have failed, you have learned a lesson. You won’t be so scared of rejection or “failure” in the future. What lessons can you use from this failure to get to where you want to be?

You Pull Down Other Mental Barriers

When you have achieved one of your goals, you start breaking down the boundaries you had set for yourself but things that once seemed unattainable start looking like options. And your life goals become bigger.

You’ll Become More Confident

Who doesn’t love smashing their goals? It’s an amazing feeling to achieve something you once dreamt of. Pushing yourself will boost your confidence and you’ll feel on top of the world!

Are you feeling inspired now to take a leap of faith? Make 2021 the year we face our fears and achieve our goals. Let’s step out of our comfort zone and get to where we want to be!

Written by Jade

My Trip To EL&N Cafe London

Written by Layla

I planned an afternoon tea for my best friend as it was her birthday June 3rd and we decided we wanted to visit London’s most Instagrammable cafe’s!

I love trying out new places and especially if they are Instagrammable! This cafe was screaming with different shades of pink flowers, seating and neon lighting settings! My best friend’s birthday came at the perfect time as the weather was beautiful in London at 27 degrees! We got our summer dresses out and made our way to EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street!

EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

EL&N Cafe on Lowndes Street sits perfectly on the corner with lavish pink seating outside. The staff in light pink t shirts and pink face masks, and the amazing bright pink flowers decorating the cafe.

To be seated indoors, due to Covid-19 guideliness in place, we had to reserve a table of four a week in advance. We arrived at our given time at 1:45pm, and were greeted at the entrance. We were told to follow a staff member down these spirally pink stairs which lead to our reservation table.

Adventure awaits, but first coffee – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

As we reached the basement of the cafe it was brightly lit with beautiful pink roses and flowers attached around cocooned seating areas. Arched windows with flowers blooming underneath and around the seating. We chose the booth that beautifully wrote ‘I love you a latte’.

I love you a latte – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

Once we sat in our booth, we discovered a reflecting mirror fitted in the ceiling which complimented the neon EL&N lighting and surrounding decor.

Ceiling Mirror inside the booth – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

We were four people and so we had ordered two portions of afternoon tea bundles which included a variety of sandwiches, cakes and cereal!

Afternoon Tea – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

We also ordered peach teas which were very delicious and not too sweet! They were perfect and had pretty little colourful flowers to compliment the cafe.

Peach Tea – EL&N Cafe Lowndes Street

I would definitely recommend this cafe as it was so Instagrammable, the hospitality was brilliant and the food was great! I know I will be visiting again as the pricing was not too bad either! It has such a vibrant atmosphere and you would definitely enjoy the vibe!