Breakups are the worst. They hurt like hell and if you’re anything like me, you might be feeling lost or stuck. Especially if you have tied a lot of your identity to being in a relationship. It is difficult to go from someones wife or girlfriend, to being on your own again.
If you’re feeling lost and low after a breakup, just know you are not alone. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel and TalkThirtea has some tips on ways to find yourself outside of your relationship.
Take the time to heal
Stop bottling up your emotions
If your relationship was rocky for a while, you might have been suppressing your emotions. I know I was. When things were bad, I was numb. I couldn’t cry, I just felt indifferent. Now that I am out of the environment, some days I am overwhelmed with all of the emotions I’m feeling. It’s actually a good thing and will help you heal in the long run. The longer you bottle up your emotions, the worse the inevitable breakdown will be.
Feeling lonely is normal and you have to accept it as a new emotion that might make you feel uncomfortable. It won’t always be so intense and will eventually start to ease.
It would also do you some good to take the time to be single. Don’t rush to jump into a new relationship before finding yourself first.
Learn to listen to your gut
When you have been in a relationship, particularly if you are a bit of a people pleaser, you often ignore your intuition. It’s easy to change yourself to be more compatible with your other half and compromise. However, this can leave you ignoring your gut. The old saying goes “trust your gut”. If you are newly single, it might take some getting used to. Personally, I have had a hard time making major decisions since my divorce. But I am working on this! Following your intuition can help guide you back to your true self. In the wrong career? Hanging around the wrong crowd? Self-sabotaging when it comes to your goals? Listen to your gut…
What makes you happy?
This is a simple question, but one we often ignore. What truly makes you happy? And how often are you doing those things? If you’re feeling lost after a breakup, it might be because you are not connecting with the things that bring you joy in your life. Writing is something that I find somewhat therapeutic, so I made a point of doing it most days. Yoga relaxes me, so I put time aside most mornings to practice. The days I skip these little things are the days my anxiety feels at its worst and I feel the most lost.
So you’re single now. Chances are, the goals you already had set, no longer make sense without your ex. So it’s no wonder you are a feeling a bit lost. Time to find yourself… now is the time to reset those goals. What are some of the things you always dreamed of? Maybe its a holiday to Santorini. It might be owning a house by the sea. Or going to University to study. However lavish the goal might seem, set it and write out a plan on how to get there. When I have nothing to work towards, I feel stuck. Setting short-term and long-term personal goals is a good way to commit to yourself and know that you are working towards something for you.
Hold Yourself Accountable
This is the difficult part. Anyone can set goals. But what are you going to do to do reach them? It is easy to lie in bed and say “I’ll start tomorrow” but it won’t get you any closer to your goals. Show up everyday for yourself and work towards being the person you want to be. If you want to be in shape, you’re going to have to get up and put the gym shoes on whether you feel like it or not. If you want to become a business owner, you’re going to have to work your ass off to get there. And nobody can hold you accountable but yourself, now that you are single! Do it for your future self.
Cut out the bad habits and toxic people
It’s time to be honest with yourself. If you are feeling lost, you might be self-sabotaging. We are a reflection of our daily habits and if we are not where we want to be, it might be time to look at what we are doing everyday. Too much sugar in your diet? Time to cut back. Spending too much time on social media? Time for a social media detox. And it might be time to take a look at your social circle and reflect. “If you want to soar like an eagle, you can’t hang around turkeys” The company you keep can have a huge impact on how you feel. If you are feeling lost, maybe you are surrounded by people who don’t align with you. You want to be surrounded by people who love you, inspire you and challenge you to be a better version of yourself.
Ultimately though, sometimes feeling lost in life can actually be a great thing. You might be amazed at the transformation you go through and the person you ultimately become.