By Jade and Layla
If any of you have ever gone through a breakup, you know that it can feel like the pain will never cease. Heartbreak is real and sometimes we feel ashamed to admit that we are struggling with getting over our relationships. After all, when we decide to separate our lives for good, most of us will suffer with some level of grief.
Here are some tips to hopefully help you feel mentally better in the aftermath of a breakup or divorce
- Take your time: There is no timeline for healing a broken heart and that is ok! If you are fresh out of a relationship and feel fantastic, ready to seize the day and get back out there into the world as a single gal (or guy!), great! That is perfectly acceptable! But for most of us, there is a few weeks, months or years during which we will be struggling. Sometimes even doing the simplest of tasks can feel like a huge deal. Do not feel guilty for feeling your feelings and taking your time. A breakup is difficult and your feelings are valid.
2. Talk it out: Easier said than done right? But even if it feels like the most daunting task in the world, to pour out your heart to a relative or friend… or even a stranger, believe us when we say, people genuinely care and want to help you through this difficult time. And just voicing your feelings can leave you feeling liberated and lighter. If you really struggle to vocalise yourself, try to journal your thoughts and feelings on a notepad and read them out loud.
3. Create a daily routine: This might sound ridiculous and pointless, but there is something to be said about structure when the rest of your life might feel chaotic and stressful. Start off slowly. It can be tempting to lie in bed all day with the covers over your head but setting an alarm for the same time each day and forcing yourself up is a great place to start.
You don’t need to be training for 5k races and choking back green smoothies just yet, but adding in daily movement, drinking water and eating fruits and veggies will help you feel better than that 10 pack of chicken nuggets and binge watching Netflix until 3am, we promise! Write down a schedule in your diary and make the effort to tick off your to-do list as you go, even if it is as simple as … Wake up, Take Vitamins, Do Stretches, Brush your Teeth.
3. Reconnecting with friends: For some of us a relationship can be an isolating experience, losing contact/having limited contact with our friends. Maybe you feel you’re trapped and so consumed by choosing between a friend and a partner. We cannot stress enough how important it is to surround yourself with people who know you inside out. It can bring you out of the isolation stages and can be really refreshing. Reconnect with old mates, explain your situation and socialise. Going out with friends can build your self-confidence and self-esteem. Being surrounded by people who care about you can remind you that you have lots to offer the world.
4. Reconnecting with God: This one is not for everyone and that’s ok, but for those of you with religious backgrounds or a personal faith, now can be the perfect time to reconnect and heal yourself spiritually. This can be beneficial when you are feeling alone after experiencing heartbreak, and especially if the relationship was traumatic or abusive.
God can become your beacon of hope when all things seem lost. The belief that God will not take away something that you cannot survive without. He will give you something better in return. He has a better plan for you. He is in control of all that happens. This can put everything into perspective for you when you are desperately searching for the answer to “why me?’
5. Meditations/Affirmations: It is so important to remind yourself that you are worthy. You are important. You are strong. Meditating can relax your mind and your body when you experience feeling emotionally drained. Even if you spend 5 minutes each day clearing your racing thoughts or following a guided meditation. The impact can be invaluable. Affirmations can rescue your self-worth and and help you move forward in life. Believe in yourself even if it may seem easier said than done. You are your own belief system and no one will ever understand your struggle. It is so important to remind yourself that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel.
These 5 pointers are things that have personally helped us through our breakups. Every individual is different and what works for us might not work for you. What we have realised is that if we try to suppress our feelings and push them down (and believe us, we’ve tried!) we become like a pressure cooker. The grief will eventually rear its ugly head. Acknowledging your feelings and validating them is the first step to healing yourself from your past. That might be crying for hours, screaming at the top of your lungs or laughing until you cry with your friends and family… Feel your feelings!
You’re not alone. Most of us have dealt with a breakup at some point in our lives and know how crappy it is. Don’t ever feel you are alone in your struggles. Talk to someone and you will see, it really does help when you think out loud and share how you feel with someone you can trust. Please talk to someone professionally if you are thinking of harming yourself and others.